Proud of me…..

28 Aug 2010 2 Comments

by gracehumilty in Uncategorized

Okay so today I had my Freshman Orientation at APSU.  And as most of you know, I was not very excited about it being a “requirement”.  I knew I would be older than %99.999 of the people their and that they would have ice breakers and “getting to know you” activities and “ra ra let’s go Peay” stuff.  I don’t want to sound mean or anything but I’m not going to school to make friends or even memories that will last a lifetime. 

I’m not super great at meeting new people( I know you all are SHOCKED by that statement…NOT!!).  It’s not that I don’t care about people, I just don’t have the gene that allows for me to wear that semi-fake happy to meet you smile that is kind of required when you want someone you don’t know to speak with you.  I come off as mean or angry most of the time and usually that’s not the case.  I just have a naturally stern expression, something that my daddy gave me lol.  Not to mention that I already have a group of pretty awesome friends and I have a lot more in common with them than with 18 year old girls who just graduated from High School and are more concerned with where their boyfriends and BFF’s are sitting.  So, making new gal pals is not what I would call a priority for me. 

And as far as memories, I have lots of those too.  I have some that I wish I could forget.  I wish I could completely erase those from my brain because I am ashamed of them and the circumstances surrounding them.  However, I do have some pretty amazing memories also.  Ones that make me cry and laugh and smile.  I have been blessed enough to have some moments that a lot of people will not ever get to experience.  Topping those would be hard to do.

So as I entered the Dunn Center I’ll admit that I did not have to best attitude.  And of course my section was up on the 2nd floor all the way in the back….yay me!!  As I sat there listening to the speeches given by student body presidents, fraternity reps and professors  I noticed a sudden shift in my heart.  The president of APSU was speaking and he told us to picture that Dunn Center in 4 years.  Picture the basketball court covered in chairs.  And in those chairs are hundreds of students in their caps and gowns.  And one of those students is you.  Now picture your family and friends sitting where we were sitting, cheering you on.  Picture your spouse and even for some of you your children watching as you walk across the stage and receive your degree from Austin Peay.

Now this may sound lame but I started to cry.  I thought about how proud of our kids we can be as parents and how kids desire for their parents to be proud of them.  But I hadn’t really thought about how much it would mean to me to have my Gavin and Abbey sitting their cheering me on as I get my degree.  How will I feel when I look at their smiling faces and see that they are proud of their mom.  I desire greatly that my children be proud of me.  Not proud of my huge mistakes but proud of how , through God’s help, I was able to define myself instead by how I dealt with the aftermath of those huge mistakes. 

I want my kids to see a real example of what God can do with a broken person’s life because that’s exactly what I was.  And in all honesty I still am.  The difference now is I have experienced redeeming grace.  I continue to experience with every mistake I make…..and their are a lot of them believe me.   

I never want to be an excuse for someone, especially not my children.  So, in 4 years, as I sit on a chair on the floor of the Dunn Center wearing my cap and gown, I can’t wait to look up at faces of my husband, parents, family and friends and see them smiling at me, cheering for me and proud of me.  But I’m more looking forward to hearing my children tell me that they are proud of their mom.

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