Do I have What It Takes?
18 Feb 2011 2 Comments
Do I have what it takes? I ask myself that question a lot. I am a wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, women’s group leader, youth leader, worship team member and full-time student. I know that sounds like a lot…..because it is!! While I know that God has called me to these things, I can’t help but feel like I’m not great at any of the things on that list.
When I sit down at the end of the day, after the kids are in bed and the headache that is putting Abbey to bed wears off, I begin to flash to images from throughout the day. Images of Gavin’s smile, Abbey’s mischievous grin, the two of them playing hide-n-seek. As I think about how awesome they are I wonder if they got the raw end of a deal landing me as their mom. I get frustrated more easily than I should, I raise my voice more often than I should and I run out of patience more quickly than I should. I want to be better because they deserve better.
When I sit down on Sunday afternoons for women’s group, and I look at the faces of those women, all who have a beauty and unique qualities and giftings, I wonder what it is I could possible offer them. I feel underqualified to serve those precious women. I want to be better because they deserve better.
Sunday morning is my favorite time of the week. I get to make music and help create an environment to worship God. I get to worship by not only singing but also by playing notes. I absolutely love playing keys! Although I feel I have learned a lot in the short time that I have been playing, there is so much more I want to learn. I cannot wait until fall when I can start my piano class so I can expand my abilities and grown my talent. I want to be able to offer more to my church and my worship team. I want to be better because they deserve better.
And when I come before my Heavenly Father with all of my brokeness, I feel so unworthy. Unworthy of the grace and salvation He freely gave me at much cost to him. Unworthy of all I have been blessed with and will continue to be blessed with. He has seen the deepest darkest places in me yet He loves me the same. I know I cannot do anything to make myself worthy of Him, that’s the whole point of grace. But what I can do is to try living a life that is honoring to Him. I want to be better because He deserves better.
While my intentions are good and my heart is in the right place, I will still fail at times. And the more I rely on myself to make things happen, the more I will fail. Do I have what it takes? The answer is no…..not on my I own I don’t. But when I rely completely on Him, He gives me what I need. He wants me to be better…..and with Him I am.
Feb 18, 2011 @ 14:33:24
Awesome writing. Humble and transparent. Great job.
Feb 18, 2011 @ 15:07:20
I think we all sit back at the end of the day and ask that same question. I know I do after a stressful day of work, a child that seems he can never be content, and a day gone with absolutely no encouragement but a barragement of insults and harassment from the devil.
I think you are a fine person and I’m very thankful to have you on the worship team. I give thanks and pray for you guys every day. Honestly. I’m humbled to get to be part of a great group of people who lead the church every Sunday in musical worship.
Thanks for sharing.